This week has been a landmark week. By design.
I decided I had to do two things and I did them.
Firstly, as I’ve mentioned already, I decided to start running. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for years but just never got around to.
Now I’ve done it. And I’m loving it. I invested in some decent shoes and really am looking forward to getting fitter.
The other one is a bit more strange as really it wasn’t really my decision, but it was my decision to act to force the issue this week for my own sake, and accept it.
I’ve mentioned before how I messed up a relationship last year. I’ve really struggled to get over it. And I’ve been clinging on to the hope it may resolve itself. I’m very much a ‘glass half-full’ person (otherwise known as ‘a bit stupid’).
Anyway, it couldn’t go on. I know I’ve been wasting my time. So I forced the issue and got a definitive reply (that I already knew of course). But I needed it.
Three things happened on Tuesday when I got the reply.
Firstly, I didn’t feel much. I’d known since last year anyway, so it wasn’t upsetting. It was actually a relief. I could finally move on.
Secondly, I realised, by the nature of the reply, that the person I’ve been pining for never actually existed. I don’t want to get nasty or sound too bitter, but it’s just a fact that I wouldn’t want to be with the sort of person she turned out to be. I’d never act the way she did. So, as a good female friend said this week, very much her loss not mine. And I realised that, no matter what I did do, it wasn’t just that that messed up the relationship, it was messed up from the start and I shouldn’t blame myself as much as I have been.
And thirdly – and most bizarrely – that afternoon and evening, and every day since, my dating sites have been going crazy. I’ve been using them half-heartedly all year in the hope of finding someone nice enough to make me move on but haven’t. I haven’t even been on a date since January or February. I just couldn’t be bothered.
But as soon as I mentally accepted the person I was hoping to get back with didn’t really exist and it would never happen, the dating sites went crazy. I’m not joking. Emails, winks, favourites, matches on Tinder etc etc.
In the last few months I’ve turned down a few promising offers – for the best, I wasn’t ready – but now I’m not only getting promising offers from interesting looking/sounding women but I’m making the effort to contact ones I like the sound of too.
I do like the idea of the Law of Attraction (ie, the type of thing mentioned in ‘The Secret’), but I’m probably too logical to ever fully believe it. But I have to admit it certainly seemed to happen this week.
It really was like the universe said “ok, you’ve finally accepted it – at last. Jeez, that took long enough. Right, now I’ll send you these lovely women… I know one of them will be perfect for you and vice-versa’
I agreed to meet a women for a date today although it didn’t come off (she was too hungover apparently and didn’t fancy the long drive to meet half-way). It doesn’t matter. It’s the fact I was prepared to go that matters. The first time I’ve been prepared to go on a date since the start of the year.
And maybe we’ll reschedule, that’d be nice, but if not there are plenty of other options.
So I started the week with two aims. And I achieved them both.
Now I’m looking forward to a great summer of meeting new people (just one will do!) and getting fit, rather than dwelling on a past that didn’t really even exist.
I was going to say a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but, better than that, I lifted the weight off myself.